


Still Tonight

by Cats_Current_Hyperfixation



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Book VII: The Chariot (The Arcana), Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), Julian Devorak's Route, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Other, Short One Shot, The Arcana (Visual Novel) Spoilers, The arcana one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 10:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21034874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Current_Hyperfixation/pseuds/Cats_Current_Hyperfixation
Summary: Julian tries to break up with the Apprentice but things go differently than intended.Basically, y'know the coin scene in Book VII- Chapter 3?  This is just me deciding to write my own spin of how that concludes.(Nothing explicit, just casually making out at a beach in the middle of the night)





	Still Tonight

I'm sat beside Julian, looking at him in the moonlight.

"...I won't have you come down this path with me. You deserve better than that."

Julian's gaze is fixed somewhere distant among the waves, his voice deeply forlorn as his words trail off.

None of the reasons he's given me so far have anything to do with our relationship, though. 'I'm dangerous.' 'I'll hurt you.' 'I don't know what I've done.' 'You deserve better.' None of them tell me how he feels about me. I know it hasn't been that long, but... I won't just give in to his own self-doubts and his attempts to push me away now. I have to ask him.

"Do you want me?"

The words come out quieter than I intended, but Julian starts at the question, nearly falling forward into the sea, catching himself at the last second.

"I- what? Did you--" Julian stumbles over his words, blinking in confusion. "I, er, I must have misheard you, Sage," he says, as a blush creeps up his face.  
I take a deep breath and let it out, steeling my shoulders as I look him directly in the eye.

"I asked if you wanted me." My voice doesn't waver this time, my words clear over the sound of the waves. Julian's breath hitches, and he won't meet my gaze.

"Oh. So, erm, I didn't mishear you, then." He swallows, still looking away.

"That's a strange question to ask when I'm breaking up with you, isn't it? Not that it's really a breakup. We never- we never had anything to start with. Just... A night or two stolen from time."

His voice is laced with sadness as he speaks. He swallows hard, his body full of tension. It looks like he'll spring from me at any second. "Do I want you..." he says, quietly. He clears his throat.

"Do I want you? That's a tough question to answer," he says, more audibly now. He furrows his brow. "I want you to be safe. I want you to stay out of this whole mess. I want..." Emotional, his voice trails off.

His face fixes itself into a forlorn expression. "It doesn't matter what I want," he says. For a few seconds, neither of us speak, the sound of the waves punctuating the silence. I fix my gaze firmly at him, forcing him to look me in the eyes.

"You didn't answer my question."

He lets out a chuckle. "Tenacious, aren't you? It's one of the things I like about you." 

"No matter what happens... You keep moving forward. You're like this great, bright light, drawing me towards you. I just can't help myself." He stops, pulling his gaze away from me.

"If I was a stronger man... If I wasn't so weak..." he whispers. "But I just can't stay away from you."

Julian bites his bottom lip, looking defeated. He barely looks at me when he admits, softly...

"I want you."

His eyebrows tilt upwards and a burning longing flashes in his eye before he flushes deep red and looks aside. "I know it's only been a short time... but I feel like I've known you for years. Is it because you put me at ease..? That's hard to do, you know."

"I.. I want to be around you, I.." he pauses, with a look of embarrassment. "I, erm. Can't stop thinking about you... Even when you're not there." He sighs, shoulders slumping slightly.

"That's the problem. I'm torn in two, Sage. My brain tells me to leave, but my heart keeps pulling me back." He gives me a wry smile, craning his head up to the luminous moon, and sighs. 

"If I think about it, I can see the path our story would take. So why..?" He trails off amidst his monologue, but I sit patiently, looking at him. He slumps down a little more, as if trying to hide himself in the hunch of his shoulders, the space between us. He speaks again, with shaky breath.

"If I walk away from you now, will I stay away? If I drop my guard, will I find myself walking right back to you? That's what makes me selfish. Because whatever we could have, whatever possibilities..." His voice trails off, sadly.

"They'll only lead to ruin. That's the kind of man I am. There's no future for us that doesn't end in pain for you." With the last sentence, he meets my eyes again, brows furrowed.

His monologue over now, I reach a hand out, fingertips brushing along his chin.

"Then forget how it ends. Just for tonight... Can't we forget about the future?" I lean closer to him as I speak, until I can feel his breath on my lips.

"You're here. I'm here. We're together, at this moment. Under the same moon."

I gaze at Julian as I speak, traces of moonlight touching his flushed face and illuminating him with its pale-blue hue. I don't know what the morning will bring. Whether Julian and I have a future. I don't want to think about it. I just want tonight. For now... That has to be enough. I look into Julian's eye, my face inches from his, waiting for him to react. To speak.

"Can I be that selfish?" he asks, in a murmured voice, but I can hear him as clearly as I feel the breath of his words.

"Do you want to be?" I reply, trailing my fingers from where they rest against Julian's chin, down his neck, letting them rest against his chest.

He swallows, biting his lip. His chest rises up and down beneath my touch, and he finally meets my gaze with a hungry look in his eye.

"........Yes," he breathes.

He reaches up, gently pulling me down to meet him. Our lips brush together once, light and fleeting. Then, again. I bring one hand to his face, cupping his cheek. I can feel his hands tremble as they grip my shirt, and one hand slides to press against the back of my neck. When we part, Julian looking down into my eyes, heavy-lidded.

"...One more," he whispers. Our lips meet once more. I grip the fabric of his jacket in my hand. Julian makes a muffled noise against me, mouth parting as a shiver runs through him.

"That's the last one-" he says, but he presses up again, and again. Each time, a whispered 'one more', a promise that it's the last. And each time he comes back, a little more desperate than before. Touches a little needier.

He presses against me with a sort of hunger. He doesn't want to let go, and neither do I. But eventually, one of us has to part for air. I still clutch at him as I pant for oxygen.

Julian swallows hard, eyes staring past me to some distant point. He looks... Sad. Desperately sad.

"You... Being with you is the first thing I've wanted for myself in a long time," he says, his tone mirroring his expression.

I reach out with my hand to stroke his cheek. My heart aches at the pain in his words, at his unspoken certainty that he can't have this, to take away whatever pains of his past that have left him unable to allow himself to want anymore.

We sit there for a while, silent but for the sound of our breath and the tide beneath the docks. He holds me tightly against himself for a moment, then stands, helping me up. He looks at me as though he has something he wants to say, but he stands silently. He swallows hard, shaking his head like he can cast off whatever dark thoughts plague him.

"... I'll walk you home," he says.

With an aching sigh, I follow him. He slides his hands in his pockets as he leads me off the beach and back into town. Every so often, he opens his mouth to say something, then makes a face and closes it again. 

Eventually we reach the shop, and Julian turns to me with a note of finality in his voice.

"Well... Here we are. At your shop. ...End of the line." He pauses.

"When I came to Vesuvia, I was seeking answers. Finding you... That was a rare treat." He flashes a smile at me, but the look in his eye is bittersweet. He reaches out, hand hovering over my shoulder. Unsure whether he's allowed to touch me anymore.

Then he shakes his head, and leans forward to press a kiss on each cheek, lips lingering just a second longer. Julian stands back, with that desperately sad look in his eye.

"Thank you, my dear," he says.

He steps away, about to say something else, something final, about to turn and disappear. I can hear my heartbeat rushing in my ear, and in an impulsive moment, I reach out. My hand wraps around his wrist, causing him to drop off whatever word he'd been about to say, his face flushing.

"Please," I whisper. He stands in place where he had been turning away. I can see a battle flickering behind his eye, to turn and leave and yet also a desperation not to, to just remain in my grasp.

"You can just step inside for a moment, and then go, but please stay, for just a moment longer?" I swallow, casting a desperate look to him, begging him not to walk away.

"Oh, darling Sage, if you only knew how much I want exactly that... But I told you, I can't do this, I can't drag you down along my path. I can't put you in danger like that," he says, but he doesn't move.

His voice is so pained, and the aching in his tone, his expression, causes my heart to ache in return. He may be able to heal injuries, but I can tell just how hurt he is inside. And all I want to do is take that pain away, like how he took away the eel bite from me.

But I don't know how. I don't have a magical mark I can activate to heal him. All I can do is reach up to grasp his face, send a quick glance to either side to make sure no one's around to spot us, and bring him down into a kiss. I press my lips to his like if I just kiss him hard enough, I can take his pain.  
Julian lets out a surprised moan, but doesn't back away. I clutch to him, pressing him as tightly against me as I can. I kiss him as long as I can before I have to pull back, gasping for air. Julian stands in place, blinking at me in surprise.

"Nnh.." he breathes, biting his lip. "Wh- where the _hell_ did that come from?" he manages to spit out, staring at me.

I flush under his gaze, but before I can put together words, I hear the sound of hooves and carriage wheels approaching from around the street. Julian hears them too, immediately alertened.  
I quickly pull him into the nearby doorframe of the shop. I fumble with the locks of the door as the sound of the carriage approaches further, Julian tensed up beside me. I quietly curse, begging the door to open quicker.

Right as the carriage threatens to turn the corner into the line of sight of the shop, I manage to turn the doorknob and swiftly shove Julian inside and slam the door shut behind me. I press my back against the door, heartbeat pounding in my eardrums. The clacking of hooves against stone and wooden wheels creaking as they turn feel deafeningly loud.

But the sounds continue on into the distance, not stopping to investigate the shop. I release the breath I'd been holding, slumping down against the door. Julian does the same. I glance around the shop. It's empty; Asra isn't home yet, by the looks of things.

I turn to face Julian, and notice that he's looking at me with an expression I haven't seen him with before, a look that I can't read. I clear my throat and straighten up. I'm not sure what to say.

"Wh- what was that for- outside the shop?" Julian finally stammers out, blushing.

"I don't want you to go," I whisper.

"But I told you, I'm dangerous, I- I- that carriage, they could have spotted you with me and then we'll both wind up hanged. Please-" His words are fast, stumbling over each other, and his breath chokes up at the last one.

"You know, if you go back out now, you could still be spotted," I say. He scowls.

"I'm aware of that, Sage. I'm well aware of the dangers against me, and that's why I can't be with you, and have you face those dangers as well."

"But you shouldn't have to face this alone! You're so scared of me being in danger because of you, but you throw yourself into danger without a second thought!" My voice grows louder as I speak, emotion raising my voice as tears form in my eyes.

Julian looks at me, wide-eyed and confused. I place my hand over my mouth and turn away from the door. I feel a hesitant hand rest on my shoulder.

"Sage, I-" Julian begins, but swallows the words. He takes his hand back. "I should leave," he says in a low voice, and begins striding towards the door. As he does, I shoot my hand out, grabbing his wrist as I face him again.

"It's still dangerous out there," I say. He doesn't move in my grasp.

"You know, it's always dangerous. Being with you at the docks was dangerous. You coming back to the shop was dangerous. Me going with you through town was dangerous," I continue. Julian looks at me with an expression of confusion.

"I don't get it-" he starts, but I shake my head.

"Of course you don't. Julian, don't you understand? It's been dangerous since the start, but that didn't stop me. The universe isn't built to destroy everything you care for." I look him in the eye.

"And even if it were, I'll take that risk."

I let go of his wrist, leaning my head in close, glancing to his lips and then bringing my gaze questioningly to his eye, searching his expression to know if I'm allowed to, or if he'll run. But he leans towards me, not away, and I seal the distance between us.

"And after all... it's still tonight."


End file.
